Within You
by x-the-rising-x
Summary: He sees past it all. Past the dress suits and the composure, and the attempted detachment from the emotional entanglements of any love life. When he looks at Brooke Davis, he sees a broken version of the 17-year old girl he used to know. BL oneshot 5x18


_A/N: _A oneshot. I wrote this in about 20 minutes for the BL book to give to mark at the CG. I'm not extremely thrilled with it, but here it is. (based on 5x18 spoilers)

Within You

He hates airports. And not because of the noise, or the anxiety that comes with traveling. Not because of the inconvenience, or the sheer boredom of standing in line after line, after line. No. Lucas Scott simply hates airports because he hates to say goodbye.

He'll be 23 soon, and he can't fight the fact that in his 2 decades of living, he's only once seen or felt anything close to the pain of this moment. And that was when Keith died.

She stands about 20 yards away from him, towards a less crowded corner of the gate, lost in the dark eyes of the baby bundled in her arms. And Lucas knows to give her space, but he has to try so hard to fight the urge to just walk forward and take her in his arms, and whisper that everything will be okay.

He sees past it all. Past the dress suits and the professional composure, and the attempted detachment from the emotional entanglements of any love life. When he looks at Brooke Davis, now at least, he simply sees a broken version of the 17-year old girl he used to know.

She looks over at Lucas, beckons for him, and attempts to smile. As he moves towards the two of them, Angie begins to fuss, as though she can feel change coming, and then, a look of pain in Brooke's eyes as she realizes this is the last time she'll get to hear this child cry.

"Are you ready?" he asks her, and instead of sadness, he sees a shot of bravery enter her face. She shakes her head, and looks past him into the swarming crowd of the airport.

"Saying goodbye is the hardest part," she mumbles.

IIIIIIIIIIIII

She can't hear it anymore: the noise, the chaos, the thunderous roar of planes as they take off. It's all been replaced by this deafening, echoing silence, which is simply punctured by the smallest thing.

Angie's heartbeat.

If she holds the baby close enough, Brooke can hear the fast pace of it – fast but steady, and it calms the brunette to hear a strong beat now – compared to the one Angie had not long ago.

She looks down to the infant in her arms, and tries to repress the strong surge of emotions that hit her. She _hates _to cry in front of people, and especially in front of Lucas, who knows her better than she knows herself, she feels so exposed and emotionally naked.

Angie is squirming in the baby blanket that Lucas had given to Brooke on the day of Jamie's fifth birthday, and Brooke pulls the small girl tighter to her chest.

"Hey baby girl, it's gonna' be okay. You're gonna' go back home to mommy and daddy."

_"I have to give her up," she says in a cracked tone, looking down into the crib. _

_Lucas stands, leaning against the door frame to Angie's nursery, watching as Brooke puts the baby to sleep. "What do you mean?" he asks, straightening and moving farther into the room._

_Brooke smiles, but it's a sad one. "Her parents – they, they only gave her up because they couldn't pay for the surgery. They deserve to have her back."_

_Lucas runs his hand across the smooth wood of the crib and breathes out. This whole situation is so messed up. Brooke – she shouldn't have to deal with so many hard decisions, so early in life. _

_"You're a brave one, Brooke," he says in a quiet tone, stealing a glance at the brunette standing next to him. "You are probably the only person I've ever met who knows how to be completely selfless."_

_A tear slips down her cheek and Brooke shuts her eyes, taking a deep breath. "That doesn't make this any easier."_

"You've signed the adoption reversal form, so legally, Angie is out of your care now. However, we will inform you when we arrive in Portugal. We've also faxed you the contact information for the Silva family in case you need to get in touch with them." The representative from the adoption agency relays the information in a monotone voice, and all Brooke does is nod. "I'll give you a minute," she finishes, stepping off to the side to let Brooke say goodbye.

Lucas is pleasantly surprised as Brooke deposits the small infant in his arms. He lifts Angie up into the air and lays a kiss across her forehead. "You be good, Ange. You've got a big strong heart now – make sure you use it."

He feels a surge of emotion as Brooke takes Angie back and rubs noses with the baby. Angie lets out a high pitched giggle and Brooke laughs too.

"I'll miss you baby girl. Go make your mom and dad proud."

Angie knows nothing of what's going. She doesn't know that she'll never see Brooke, the woman who was her mother for 3 months again, or Lucas, the guy that would have been a father to her. So the small child doesn't cry as the brunette hands her over to the adoption agent. And surprisingly, even as the agent and Angie disappear on to the plane, neither does Brooke.

Lucas, however, has to turn away and blink a few times to stop the tears from coming.

IIIIIIIIIIIII

Brooke's own flight to New York had been delayed and for the millionth time that month, Lucas had insisted staying with her. They sit in a near-empty gate, talking the afternoon away, and as each minute passes, it gets easier and easier to laugh.

"I missed this," she says after a while, as Lucas begins to stand up.

"Missed what?"

"You. Us. Just, talking to you, I guess." She blushes, only slightly, but he smiles.

"I missed it too. And," he looks down for a beat, deciding whether to press on. "You know I was thinking about what you've done for Rachel, and Angie and me and…all kinds of people. You save people, Brooke Davis. That's what you do. Thanks for letting me share that."

He sees surprise register on her face, and has to wonder when the last time someone complimented her like that was. There's a silence – but it's comfortable. And then he straightens all the way, and looks down at where Brooke sits in one of the black leather chairs.

"You call me when you land. And when Angie's home safe." Brooke nods and then stands, hearing the announcement for boarding of her own flight. "When are you coming back? I can probably pick you up from the airport," he trails off.

Brooke shifts her bag farther up on her shoulder and looks at him uncomfortably. "Actually…probably not for awhile. I think I'm going to stay in New York."

"What do you mean?" he asks through a laugh, and Brooke shifts her gaze to the floor. And then it dawns on him that she's not kidding.

"But, you belong down here," he says blatantly.

"I used to," she says, looking past him. "Now I'm not so sure where I belong."

"Brooke you can't run from your life. You've done that too many times."

She snaps her gaze back to him and her eyes soften. "It's easier than trying to fight the pain."

"So what? You're just going to pack up and leave again?" He hears his raised voice, but doesn't feel _angry. _More defeated. Worn down.

IIIIIIIIIIIII

She doesn't tell him why she needs to leave. Yes, it's partially because of Angie. She's trying to do what she always does when her heart breaks – throw herself back into her work. But, Lucas would probably hate himself forever if Brooke told him that she was also leaving because of him.

These past few months had given her everything she had deprived her heart of for five years. Everything she had told herself she didn't want countless times. They gave her Lucas. And not as a lover, or a crush. Simply as a friend.

But she's tried to be friends with him before. And she understands the danger of it all, and what it always seems to lead to. But this time, there's someone else in the picture to worry about. Her curly headed best friend, the girl Brooke promised herself she would never hurt.

She misses him, yes. But then again, she's always missed him. She's always loved him. Being apart from him just makes it easier to forget.

"I have to," Brooke whispers in a soft voice, and then looks down at the stuffed monkey in her hands. "Luke," she continues in a stronger voice, looking him in the eye finally. "We've been through a lot – you and me. And…I couldn't have gotten through this day or a bunch others without you. So thank you."

_"Brooke?"_

_She's sitting on the couch in her living room, staring at an awkwardly stuffed purple monkey in her hands. Brooke doesn't seem to notice as he makes his way around the coffee table and sits down next to her. _

_"You okay?" he asks when she doesn't respond to her presence._

_"I got a monkey," she says with a nervous laugh. "I'm getting a freaking baby from Portugal, and the one thing I think to get for her is a stuffed monkey."_

_Lucas looks to the other side of the living room, where a crib is set up. Diapers are stacked on the kitchen counter, and shopping bags full of baby clothes sit on one of the living room chairs. _

_"Brooke…what are you talking about? You're completely prepared."_

_Her head snaps up, and she gives him a, what he assumes to be unintentional, death stare. "Haley picked all that out. Everything. We walked through the stores, and I just sat there motionless as she threw a bunch of stuff into the cart. The only time I thought to say something was when we got to the cashier and I saw this monkey."_

_He doesn't know what to say. However, Lucas is beginning to understand that this is less about the monkey, and more about something much larger. _

_"Brooke," he says softly. "It's okay to be nervous. This is a _big _change in your life."_

_"I know." She laughs nervously and runs a hand through her cropped hair. "It's just – I've wanted this for so long, and now I'm second guessing myself."_

_"Don't," he says in a firm tone, laying a hand on her leg. "_You _are going to be a _great _mother."_

He looks tired and upset, but Brooke can tell he tries to hide it all. So she presses on, lifting her right arm and depositing the purple monkey into his hand. "This is for you." A beat, and then: "I love you, Lucas Scott. You know that?"

"I love you too Brooke Davis."

They hug, and it reminds her altogether too much of another time they had to say goodbye, and when she pulls away, there is once again, that sudden pressure of his lips on hers. It's over in a second, and then there is just a look that passes between the two of them – one that seems to go on forever, until Brooke finally breaks the gaze.

_"Tell me that was a goodbye kiss."_

An announcement for the final boarding call for Brooke's flight echoes through the airport, and she gives him a quick smile, brushing a lone tear from her eye.

"Bye Lucas."

IIIIIIIIIIIII

"Bye Lucas."

She turns away from him, and all of a sudden he's reminded of every time she's walked away from him, and every time he's had so much to say, but just stayed silent. And as she walks away, time, motion and sound, all slow in front of him, he realizes that there's something about Brooke Davis that leaves him speechless.


End file.
